


Angel

by AngelynMoon



Series: Deal [16]
Category: Lucifer (TV), Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Gen, Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-29 03:42:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21403615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelynMoon/pseuds/AngelynMoon
Summary: Lucifer does not understand
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Deal [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1252934
Comments: 4
Kudos: 185





	Angel

'What's it like to fall?' They ask, the children mostly but Chloe has asked once and Alexander's siblings, but not Alexander, not Magnus, 'Does it hurt?' They wonder aloud.

Lucifer does not know how to answer, how can he describe it? The pain of his burning wings as they tried to catch him as he fell and fell, how can he tell them that every bone in his body broke or shattered when he met earth, when he kept falling through solid ground until the heat scorched his flesh and not just his wings.

How can he tell them that none of that mattered?

That the broken bones and the burnt flesh did not pain him nearly so much as his Father's anger, his disownment, his continued silence.

That the physical pain was less than the emotional pain of watching his Father turn from him and cast him from His side in disappointment.

They ask if hime misses his wings, they do not yet know that his wings have healed, that they are once more right, and Lucifer has yet to fly again, perhaps he fears another fall, they ask him what it was like to fly.

Lucifer does not answer them, pretends not to hear.

And Alexander watches in silence and he does not answer when the children turn their eager faces to him, Alexander has flown and Alexander has fallen, Michael never was very good at lying or keeping secrets, Lucifer knows how the two met.

Lucifer cannot explain what it's like to fly, the freedom, the weightlessness, the muscles in his wings coiling and uncoiling with wash beat of his heartbeat.

They cannot understand and so Lucifer does not try to explain.

He does not like remembering before the Fall, when he fought by his brothers' sides, when he braided his sisters' hair before battles.

He taught most of them the Art of Battle and it pains him to know that they use what he taught them against him.

He does not tell them that he hesitates when he faces his siblings, that he softens his blows.

He is a brother to them still, they are his younger siblings, it's his job to protect them, even if they do not think or feel the same.

Lucifer does not understand his Father on that, it is the reason he was cast from his home, his inability to understand how their Father could turn them away in favor of his second made creation.

How could He turn from them for those Mudlings?

Lucifer has grown since then, he still does not understand all of it but for Chloe, for Alexander, for little Trixie, oh, how Lucifer would destroy the world for their safety.

Lucifer has never really understood, does not, even now and when he turned to his Father for explanation he'd received none, only been cast from his family for his doubts, for his questions.

Lucifer was sure the punishment did not fit the crime.

But he tried to see the Mudlings through his Father's eyes , forced himself to walk among them for a decade each century.

Many times he came to them during their wars, appearing as the Angel he once was.

Men, women, children, who survived the impossible were held in his arms during those moments, shielded by his wings, what had remained of them back then.

They praised his Father for their survival and he did not blame them, not as such.

But he still did not understand, how could he?

Lucifer had watched mothers drown their children, sat with those small souls as their lungs filled with water, he had watched fathers shoot their wives, watched strangers slaughter children at their schools and he did not understand how his Father could love these Mudlings more than His first borns.

Lucifer did not understand.

Even when he watched the joy in a new mother's eyes as she held her child for the first time, as little Trixie tugged him with her for a bed time story, as little miss Madzie cuddled in his arms for a nap, he did not understand.

He hadn't when he'd first held Alexander in his arms, when he knew that he held this being's life in his hands, hadn't understood when Alexander had looked so happy when Lucifer had praised his piano playing, when he had sang the young boy to sleep every night until the boy told him he didn't have to anymore.

Lucifer did not understand.

How could he?

How could any Angel ever understand what it meant to be Human?

Angels were not born, they were created, there was no discovery, not truly, they knew the Universe the moment they cane awake in their Father's hands.

An Angel cannot understand what it is to be Human, they are not Human and most Angels do not find it pressing to understand their Father's second made creation.

But him, the one who fell, who was cast from Heaven by the Being that created all things?

He tries, he wants to understand.

He walks among them, century after century, no longer called an Angel, not usually, his wings were Ash and Outline for many of those centuries and only now are they whole again, white and pure and as beautiful as they once were, long, long ago, before a long, painful fall that burned them up as they tried to save him.

But when he comes to the Humans, because even now, with his young Alexander and Chloe and Trixie in his life, he goes to them.

He goes when they cry out to his Father, when they pray and no one answers, he goes to them, he holds their life in his hands and sometimes, sometimes he saves them, and other time he doesn't, just holds those pained souls in his arms as their body slowly dies and they are safe, forever safe from the pains of being Human.

When he comes to these souls, when he holds their souls against him, when he sings them to sleep and safeguards their journey to their afterlife, they still call his what he once was.

They call him Angel.

Lucifer does not understand.

\--

A/n: this was just something that i wrote on Lucifer in general that i reworked to suit the Deal verse.

I do think that Lucifer grows a soft spot for lgbtq+ humans that attempt suicide because of unsupportive parents/family members, also children that are abused, possible because he sees Alexander in them.


End file.
